1. Be there. How often are we there, but not present? Be there totally.

2. Learn their jargon.

3. Don't use their jargon! Teens hate it when they hear adults using their lingo. But know their language so they will get that you are paying attention.

4. Listen. They are telling you so much, but you have to hear it. Listen with all of your senses.

5. Ask questions, lots of questions. But choose your opportunities wisely. They shut down easily. Some of my best conversations with teens take place while driving them someplace, one on one, especially if food is involved! There is something magical about the combination. Maybe they relax because driving requires concentration, taking the focus off of them. Maybe because teens love cars. Maybe because they love to eat. Who knows why, but it works.

6. Don't yell at them. Has it ever done any good before? Teach them good communication skills. Your behavior will likely become their behavior. Show them a healthy way to get someone's attention.

7. Love them. The stress they feel is enormous. There is constant pressure to do drugs, drink, have sex, study for standardized tests, have the perfect body...without zits. Your love is a safe haven.

8. Resolve it! Whatever it is, resolve it. In doing so you will teach them to resolve issues rather than letting them grow and become bigger with time. The relationship is more important than any single issue.

9. Be an adult. Your relationship with them is one of a kind. Rather than trying to be their friend, be their parent. They will find security in knowing that there are boundaries, consequences, and forgiveness when they use poor judgment.

10. Support them as they build a strong personal foundation. Teach them about values, standards, boundaries, etc. This, by the way, is best taught by example. Through knowing who they are, what they want, and what they really stand for, their decisions will be more sound. This will stay with them for life.